I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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