i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize