she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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