i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
