I wish I could punch you in the face.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
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