Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
