i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
