Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
