She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
