Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
sex in a hospital.. check
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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