I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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