you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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