Someone shit on the floor
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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