i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this boner is exhausting
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
