Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
