I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
