you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
