really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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