I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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