Dual....:-)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
