I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
