Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he quoted the bible to break up with me
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
