well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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