tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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