Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
