it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
