what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
