I just made out with a guy for $7.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
