are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize