FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
