i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
