Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
