That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
