I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
