Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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