You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
