I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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