so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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