Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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