People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
