he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
