You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
pray to the hookup gods
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
