Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
