he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
