i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
