If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
