Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
