The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
In America we eat man semen.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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