Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How does one acquire holy water?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
