dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
