I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
