How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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