You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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