Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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