went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think my vagina is haunted
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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