the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
