I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
either way he was missing a nipple.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hippo gnu deer
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
