Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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