So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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