The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
