shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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