no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
